Countdown 2018 (reporting live from the Kingdom of Procrastinatea)

Just now, I came across an article panning Mediacorp's latest attempt to do a countdown party (not that it's the only time they did that). As a result, I wanted to do something illogical, absurd, and anti-common sense. And because I decided to do a post that is... well, illogical, absurd, and anti-common sense, I'm not gonna spare my sister if she really did attend that countdown party. After all, I'm sure someone will accuse me of making fun of my sister's taste. Not that I care about the typical local Disney fare anyway.

Again, I repeat: This post will be illogical, absurd, and anti-common sense. Because Kuok Minghui says so like Stone Cold and... well, do you think I really care?

A/N: I realised that as a man of creativity, there's always a need to unwind and be... well, crazy. Something like this below.

)0(

Okay... everyone ready? Good. Thanks, Alleycat. Send my regards to uncle Freddycat and auntie Felicat.

Ahem.

Welcome to the coverage of this year's Countdown 2018. As you can see... okay, we're actually past midnight. This is Stevia Sweetleaf reporting from the kingdom of Procrastinatea. As always, the king of this ethereal realm ruling over the fae, dwarves, and every gnomish kid is preparing to throw a countdown party. Well, sorta since it's already that point of time where Cinderella has to go home lest her stepsisters Barbarella and Primadonna start asking damning questions.

What? Wait... are you crazy? Lance, I swear I'm going to kill you for this joke. Why would the king of some hermit forest nation fall in love with me? Shut up, Lance. Or I will kill you like your favourite character who always dies.

Okay... my apologies for this impromptu moment. So now we should be waiting for the king to make a statement. Sadly, we received word that his cat had just accidentally offed his laptop while it was installing the latest Microsoft update patch. As it turned out, he needs to write the latest chapter of his only dark fantasy novel and his cat was actually too smart to be ignored. I really feel sorry for him. I mean the king himself, not his cat. After all, I happen to own a cat as well.

Oh... the screen is now switched on! Wait... what am I seeing here?

Credits

(before the show starts)

Coordinator: Chancellor Salted Fish

Security: General N.G Ryan

List of guests and performers: Chief Negotiator Wifi Lim

Miscellaneous stuff since His Royal Lobo Majesty is too lazy like a bear: Head Steward Bear

"Well, it's the credits roll. Apparently, the king enjoys doing things like a rebel since the world is never kind to him."

Wait... Lance! Alleycat! What in the Sapphire Pavilion of Siloso Beach is going on here? Why are we having an intruder? Is he going to sexually harass me?

Lance: Erm, actually he's not going to do that. I know he looks creepy, but rest assured he's a better guy than those you see in Hollywood.

Alleycat: Yeah, Lance is right. We're trying to... erm, prevent your parents from asking when are you getting a boyfriend.

Alleycat, you want to 气死我 is it? Wait... something's not ri... AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

"Relax, we're not gonna die."

Of course we're not gonna die, you perv!

Unknown humongous creature: Hey boss, High enough for you?

"Yeah, high enough to see the stage. Thanks, Supersolid Snake."

What is going on here? Why are the three of us stuck with this super weird perv?

Supersolid Snake: He ain't a perv. He is His Royal Lobo Majesty! My boss, understand?

Wait, this is a joke, right?

Lance: Erm no. He's the real deal.

Alleycat: The two of you actually met each other during 2012. And to think you're actually asking me back then why he never even glance at your cleavage where in fact every guy would do that.

This is...

"Oh, the party is now starting. Please accept my apology if the party turns out falling short of your standard. I know the average duration of any televised party would be... like two hours or so?"

So why are you doing all this?

"For fun. Oh, it's starting now. Hey, 黑妹. Please make sure nothing happens to your camera, okay? The first act is gonna start anytime soon!"

Alleycat: My name is Alleycat, not 黑妹! And I'm not a Malay, Indian, Hispanic, or even an African!

Lance: Siao... this one fierce man!

Supersolid Snake: I wonder how this would sound if Fei Yu-ching sings this song. I don't care whether that guy is gay or no gay.

Supersolid Snake: Okay, I may have spoken too soon. Make that two songs instead of one. I'm gonna hum this song whenever out on duty against those terrorists.

Lance: You make yourself sound like some kind of big shot.

Supersolid Snake: Please, even N.G Ryan needs to listen to me. He may be the General, but I'm the Head of Stealth Ops. Also, N.G Ryan is actually scared of my chief sniper Boh'Siah for some reason ever since that changing room incident.

Can the two of you stay quiet until this is over?

Lance: Eh? I think I saw Wubai just now.

Supersolid Snake: As a snake of stealth ops and perception, I can assure you that you might have gone a bit 二百五.

Lance: Siao liao... I'm starting to feel really 二百五.

Supersolid Snake: Don't worry. Wubai will be here to shock you back to normal.

Lance: That one really shocked me back to normal.

Supersolid Snake: Reality and Wubai. Best partnership ever. And China Blue as well. You ready something English? And I don't mean the Brits.

Alleycat: HEY!!!!! THAT'S MY FAVE!!!!!!

Supersolid Snake: I wonder whether she knows the NSFW version of this song.

Lance: I swear you're worse than Big Boss.

Supersolid Snake: You know my dad?

Lance: Okay, never mind that.

"Wait, I don't remembering requesting for these two acts especially the second one... Supersolid Snake, I assume you're responsible for this."

Supersolid Snake: Well, I do have my dad's DNA after all. To be a master of stealth ops coordination means to improvise like a boss. Like Big Boss to be exact. And besides, Wifi Lim and N.G Ryan were in this together with me.

Wow... this song is quite unique. I wonder whether that's a reference to your life all the while.

"Maybe. Maybe not."

Hmmm... seems that this song is about a common life shared by Saber and Archer.

"Yep."

"Supersolid Snake..."

Supersolid Snake: Don't worry. I'll take the bullet for this. Together with Wifi Lim and N.G Ryan. I'll make sure of it, trust me.

Years after the countdown in the royal bedroom of Procastinatea...

)0(

I'll just add a few things before ending this insane post.

1. Heracles gone mad is now officially a label used for crazy stuff I do on this blog.

2. Alleycat is a parody of Alley Cat.

3. Supersolid Snake is a parody of Solid Snake of the Metal Gear Solid series. Seriously, you don't need to be Kojima Hideo to know that.

4. Boh'Siah means quiet in Singlish. In other words, this is another parody of Metal Gear Solid, this time round a reference to the real bohsiah girl in the series.

5. The Chinese word 二百五 means crazy.

6. The names in the credits list are actually parodies of real-life people whom I know personally. In other words, either they know the real me or they have never understood me all the while. Either way, I'm used to being a Jon Snow instead of just another wolf in the pack. *shrugs*

7. Any other similarities to real-life people should be seen as a case of pure coincidence. Either that or these people actually know who I am since like... years ago, I guess.

Ah Kong

Well... yeah, it's really Ah Kong...

Come to think of it, Jack Neo isn't the only local talent here. Royston Tan is another one, no offence intended.

After such a long time, I don't know what the label Heracles gone mad is for. So might as well I devote it to things outright crazy. Earlier on, I stumbled upon this. Normally, S'poreans won't think twice to see what the (Angry) Ah Kong was all about. The problem is, I don't think like a S'porean. So like that curious cat, I decided to see for myself what the angry ah-kong was all about.

Note: This post was done with NO intention to... well, promote any YouTube personality. I just happen to be your anti-typical S'porean. Hopefully, this sounds right because it's never okay to laugh at the death of other people. Laughing at my own death where I'm concerned, however, is another story altogether.

Apparently, this is what your (Angry) Ah Kong looks like...

Apparently, (Angry) Ah Kong has never visited Singapore. Since I'm sure local S'poreans don't know this (Angry) Ah Kong who had sadly left this world, I might as well up a few clips. Before every clip, however, I'll add a caption and a link. All in the name of remembering why your own (Angry) Ah Kong should be really this angry.

Need help in managing gaming addiction?
Call your (Angry) Ah Kong

Need help in managing violence?
Call your (Angry) Ah Kong



Need help in managing F1 wannabes?
Call your (Angry) Ah Kong



Need help in respecting women via first world education?
Call your (Angry) Ah Kong



Need help in protecting your black cat, no matter whether it's Jurong West or Punggol West?
Call your (Angry) Ah Kong



Lastly but not the least, got problems in combating racism?
Call my (Angry) Ah Kong

P.S: Okay, I need to sleep now. The Ebola (joke) really got me hard.

Fate/stay night and its ufo(table)-An analysis on Masters and Servants in Fate/Zero

I know I may risk the anger of my beautiful legal housebreaker by upping this type of title. After all, she's most likely the type who enjoy a nice romantic tale sans the dark stuff. Perhaps that's why she prefers songs like this below.

~Tsukihime~

Above vid is fan-made stuff. Therefore, we shouldn't be dumb enough to think this was something official from Nasu Kinoko and his guano loco crew at TYPE-MOON (and no, Urobuchi Gen isn't one of them. He's too crazy to fit in anyway...).

Mr Randy Tan and Mrs Lydia Quek-Tan, I'm gonna tag the two of you in this post. The reason why being that I'm interested in seeing any response from the real Land of Far Far East.

If ufotable can do it... well, then can't the rest...

I apologise for the horrible Engrish above which sounds more Singaporean than angmoh. Anyway, the blokes and ladies at ufotable may have given every Nasuit a glimmer of hope. Before it was made official, it seems that plenty of people were dismissing the likelihood of Unlimited Blade Works being part of ufotable's plans where the Fate/stay night anime was concerned. Out of the three routes, only Heaven's Feel remains untouched. Fate and Unlimited Blade Works, on the other hand, have been covered by the blokes and ladies at Studio Deen. I think it may have something to do with the details in copyright or whatever. Don't we all hate the devil at times, if not always?

Firstly, let me just say chances are that Xiaxue would have known what Heaven's Feel is like. You got Matou Shinji the rapist son. Then you have Matou Sakura the slut daughter (okay, the former is literally true while the latter case is flamebaiting). Secondly, am I the only one who sees Heaven's Feel as a real sequel to Fate/Zero in ways more than one?

Introduction

This post can be seen as some sort of free-of-charge endorsement for the Heaven's Feel anime adaptation for Fate/stay night come next year (unless ufotable decide to do a Mahou Tsukai no Yoru). We all know in Fate/Zero, there are seven Masters and seven Servants. Plot-wise, Urobuchi Gen's personal creativity was truly the prequel to Nasu Kinoko's personal creativity. But it's very easy for us to stop at how Emiya Shirou was saved. Period.

Out of the seven chosen ones and their respective... well, chosen ones, three of them had minimal impact on the next generation with four others having a big say on the same matter.

The three Masters who didn't matter much when comes to the future list as below:

Le Psychopathe, Uryuu Ryuunosuke

An Uasal, Kayneth El-Melloi Archibald

The Elitist, Tohsaka Tokiyomi

The four others who mattered in ways more than one list as below:

The Hero, Emiya Kiritsugu

The Killer, Kotomine Kirei

ο ήρωας, Waver Velvet

The Betrayed, Matou Kariya

Because I tend to be very long-winded when it comes to self-expressing, I decide to use this entire space for Matou Kariya. Come the next part, I will touch on the three Masters who never mattered much. Finally, I will go back to the last three of the list.

Heaven's Feel and the Holy Grail: Both a Curse and Legacy

More than the other two routes, HF is more Grail-centric than what we'd otherwise think. In the Fate route, the Grail was used as a plot device to develop Saber from a tragic heroine to a flawed heroine coming to terms with herself. In UBW, the Grail was merely used as a secondary plot device meant to conclude the story (despite being a jerk by abandoning Rin to Shinji's lust, Archer did save her from the Grail come the end. Ironically, Shinji was also saved because of this).

As for HF, we get to know the evil nature behind the whole wishing fountain. Ultimately, Urobuchi-san merely let us see more of the monster rather than the monster itself.

Case in point? Self-explanatory.

Heaven's Feel has more than one purpose so as to speak. If Fate/stay night is to be an analogy of reality when it comes to life itself, then Heaven's Feel is basically the end where idealism is proven to be nothing more than a farce. When it comes to anomaly named Emiya Shirou, however, it must be stated that Heaven's Feel is the only way to conclude a contradiction.

Ending wise, HF actually has the best true ending out. In Fate, Shirou was left to his own devices. Which was possibly why Realta Nua version has to add in that hidden ending. In UBW, we don't have to think twice on what will happen to Shirou.
In fact, the 2015 anime went one step further and showed us this vid below.

Unfortunately, I can't find the English sub. However, you can switch to French translation. Just don't ask me how my super mignone legal housebreaker and her BFFs will feel over this.

If the Grail has always been the biggest lie, it's because we're talking about reality. Our expectations on reality has always been like how the Grail was seen. Ultimately, understanding what the Grail was all about is basically the same as understanding reality for what it is. In this sense, the Grail is definitely something personal to Shirou. On the first glance, Fate/stay night looks like your standard shounen work. In reality, it's more of a seinen work sans the excessive blood, violence, and... well, sex (last part depends on which version you play).

In HF, we have two dead men walking. The first would be Emiya Shirou. We all know that. What about the second?

Shirou was a dead man walking physically, Kariya was a dead man walking in the sense that there's not much difference between him and his future "son in-law". Sounds confusing? Let's just see this as a dead man made alive by his legacy.

If we're to see Heaven's Feel as a form of legacy plot-wise, whose legacy should it belong to? Matou Zouken? Yes, we all know his backstory by time we finished the playthrough. To him, the Grail was a legacy to his unresolved feelings towards Justeaze Lizrich von Einzbern (ironically, the original aim of the Grail was all about creating a utopia where everyone could live happily ever after. Sucks to be Zouken, not so much if your surname is Emiya). In the same way reality has corrupted the Grail, Zouken began being corrupted by time itself. Mayhap more than anything else, 'tis the real curse of the Grail.

In the same way we can easily become the monsters we professed to hate, there's nothing much separating Kariya from the man he hated most. Not in a bad way, but in a humane way. If Zouken's unresolved feelings was towards the head of House Einzbern back then, surely Kariya did have unresolved feelings towards Tohsaka Aoi. In the same way Zouken lost the woman he loved (or at least that how I see it) to the Grail, Kariya lost the woman he loved to Tokiyomi. Both did so willingly, both did so with their blessings given to the other party. Unfortunately, shit will always happen because people will always enjoy stirring up shit.

Spoiler:
It was Kirei and Gilgamesh who double teamed Tokiyomi. Kariya was merely that fall guy.

Years later, the curse of Matou never showed any signs of abating. In fact, it got worse. Shinji was extremely bitter and a misogynist. In fact, we can just put the two together like 2+2=4. He's bitter because of a girl. He's a misogynist for the same reason as well. He wanted Tohsaka Rin, he couldn't get her. He wanted the leadership of the Matou family, Sakura was seen as a better alternative. To make things even more dramatic (definitely more dramatic than the Monday Couple of Gary and his Song), Rin and Sakura are sisters in blood (if not for the tragic circumstances, I'd have called Tokiyomi's fate a verdict by death and karma).

Then enter our not-so-heroic hero. Unlike the Fate route, Shirou chose to forsake his foolish idealism of being an ally of justice (i.e. 正義の味方). Unlike UBW, Shirou chose to embrace reality over a dream he knew was never meant to be. In HF, Shirou would go on to make decisions to save one person instead of billions. It was like what Archer said during his showdown with Shirou in the UBW route, that the ally of justice can only save those whom he sides with. Shirou chose not to side with Zouken, he chose to side with Sakura. This has got nothing to do with altruism even though we know who that big bad ah-kong is. And neither did Shirou use it as an excuse. As an individual, we have to admit the boy has matured into an honest man.

Make no mistakes about it, Shirou's feelings towards Sakura was the same thing when it comes to Kariya's feelings towards Aoi. In the same way Tokiyomi ruined the life of a wife he may not have truly loved, likewise Sakura was running the risk of being ruined. Not by Zouken per se, but the Grail itself. Which is why we have this super badass scene.

Shirou may not know the real Kariya, but I can say he's basically the same type of guy as his "uncle in-law". In reality, many local Singaporean guys will complain about how local girls being the high upkeep type. Which leads to the SPG culture so as to speak. To Kariya, sacrificing everything was never about high upkeep. To Shirou, protecting that one girl he loved was never about high upkeep. As a man, you can boast about earning your first one million SGD or even USD by time you hit 30. But so what? What's the use of earning the entire world at the cost of being a dead man walking? You have money, but you don't have peace. You have status, but you don't have someone to love. Even if you have a Hollywood A-lister as your girlfriend, there's a difference between bragging rights and being right.

At the end of the day, Shirou stepped on the same path as Kariya and Zouken. It's a path of no return since all three were being afflicted by corruption of their own making. Zouken corrupted himself because he couldn't withstand the torture of time. Kariya corrupted himself because he gave himself over to madness. As for Shirou, he corrupted himself knowing full well that the cost may be bigger than death itself. If we're to die without regrets, it's because we know the reason why. For Shirou, forgetting the girl he loved before dying was a fate worse than death. It was exactly the curse Zouken inflicted upon himself, the same kind of demon Shirou risked becoming and the same monster Kirya truly hated. Yet, the only way for him to save Sakura was to risk getting corrupted by that absolute power called his left arm. It was virtually a case of losing himself versus losing his loved one. In terms of having such a mind of steel, there's not much difference between him and Archer. Shirou didn't want to surpass Archer based on his former belief. Rather, he's out to surpass Archer via a new set of standards. And that standard is a selfish one. But so long an ally of justice can save one soul he chose to side with, it's good enough.

Taking this one step at a time...

Okay, so this blog will be my official outlet for creative badassery. Perhaps the language usable will be more proper. Then again, maybe not. I've got a few ideas on where to take this one. If you're expecting contents like what you're used to seeing in blogs like what you've seen for Xiaxue, QiuQiu, or Yan Kay Kay, forget it. If you're expecting something like what you've seen in Mr Brown's blog, forget it as well.

This is a mad man's blog. Perhaps I'm really born a genius. Unlike plenty of local talents, I got myself trapped in difficult circumstances 20 years ago (in other words, the educational environment would sentence creative late bloomer like me the Changi death sentence). I'm poor, possibly talented, and quite obviously doomed to die penniless and single. If this sounds familiar, be very sure that this was the life story of Vincent van Gogh.

Enough of self-pitying. Let's see if I can play the successful rebel.

What to expect from me?

Random ideas ranging from gaming to original stories. Due to the nature of fanfiction, the Neverwinter Six will still be retained in Tueur de roi.

At the same time, be prepared for me sharing songs you may/may not have heard of. After all, the nine daughters of Zeus did have a strong association with music.

Some ideas on one of my planned stories

It'll still be dark. Language and portrayal-wise, I hope to emulate J.R.R Tolkien. Lord of the Rings may not be dark at all. The Hobbit can be quite dark despite being a children's book (which is why I actually rebelled against the mainstream standard by being a fan of Thorin Oakenshield). The Children of Húrin has to be the darkest of them all together with The Silmarillion. If you never heard of the last two titles, it's okay. Not everybody is born to be a cat like yours truly.

There are two ways to portray a dark reality. Either you do it via the most direct "people live and die every day. And that includes elves."
Or you go one step further by telling your audience that your characters are capable of swearing and that society is equally capable of committing heinous acts like rape and pedophilia.

But why are you so twisted?

Because I have no friends apart from God. If you think I'm joking, think again. I could have killed myself 10-20 years ago (this is NOT to say that I actually contemplated suicide, just that it remains somewhat a miracle that I've never entertained such a thought). If you think having friends is normal, that means I was born abnormal. And I still am right now. If you want to change my course of action, you better start trying to be my close friend. A confidant. I don't care whether you're male or female. If you can't prove yourself one way or another, then all I can say is "that's a shame."

I'm trying to change what ought to change, but don't expect me to fight my battles with anyone else apart from God unless you're willing to spend at least 3 days in a week trying to set me right.

If I sound angry, be assured that I'm not. I know that I'm cursed with poor EQ. So what if I'm truly a genius? Doesn't mean that I am God. Man can never be God in the same way the word of man can never be the Word of God. All I want is the promise of making a decent effort in trying to set me right if you think I'm going on the wrong course. Via my other two blogs, I know there were crazy moments where I let fly salvo of insanity after salvo of insanity. There is a trigger impulse within me and I'm not ashamed to admit it. If you think I'm crazy, be very sure that plenty of people believed that:

1. I was either spastic or retarded.

2. Girls think that I'm a perverted creep (okay, that's a hyperbole, But you get the drift).

3. Believe it or not, there had been those who believed in betrayal minus the need to explain why.

I'm already a living wreck. Emotionally broken and mentally scarred. Once I start doing something, it will take a long time for my brain to cease the adrenaline flow. If I was born normal, perhaps I could truly change myself via conscious effort. But what if I was born an abnormal person? Have you ever tried poetry without any prior training? I have. And I am proud of myself because of that. I'm not a retarded person. I know there's a difference in difficulty between writing a novel and writing a poem. You need to understand how the rhythm flows in your brain. You can't just chuck words into a single paragraph or even a single stanza. That's why I know I was born both gifted and cursed. Cursed because I was born a genius, a genius because I was cursed with madness.

Perhaps no one will ever understand me. But I know my Lord Jesus understands me. Perhaps I will die like Lazarus in one of His parables. That means I will go to heaven instead of hell.

Until the day I breathe my last, I guess either I have to get busy living instead of getting busy dying.

P.S: Okay, rant now over. Before I sign this off, enjoy what I have to offer concerning my inner world.

Lyrics


Lyrics

http://trinityblood.wikia.com/wiki/Abel_Nightroad